make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
