the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
