a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
