im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
