Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
