so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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