As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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