So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
