Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
