I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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