I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
should my penis look like a turkey
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
