Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
