That's intense
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
