I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
How's work?
Spinning.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
