I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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