Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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