she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
