OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
