That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
