hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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