I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
