I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize