wakey wakey hands off snakey
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
