Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
