I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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