After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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