your parents love me but you hate me
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
