i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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