Only a mothe r could love this liver
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
