If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
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I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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