A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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