Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I touched a dick in church today
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
