when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
