it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
