Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
