You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
