i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I have aggressive nipples.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
