got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
the day after is always just damage control
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
