I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
