Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
