I wish my penis had an off switch
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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