I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
