girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
