Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
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You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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