come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
