I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize