Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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