I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He? As in you personified your dick?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
