??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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