Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
