i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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