just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.