That's when you crack a 10am beer
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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