Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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