I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
