Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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