remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
