I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Small penises have feelings too.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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