my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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