I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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