2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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