Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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