I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My penis needs a shock collar
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
